Many times in our life we force ourselves to do things we really do not need or want to do but we do it anyway, especially in social situations. This not only lowers our self esteem and confidence, it also hurts us in ways we do not comprehend.
Most of the motivational people will tell you put yourself in situations that scare you… worry you… do not fear. But the reality is we do fear and putting ourselves in situations that we do not want to actually hurts us a lot and we feel down and low.
Now – Let us make something clear. I am not telling you to not take up challenges. I am not telling you to stop growing. What I am telling you is if you are on the path of achieving something your self esteem is something is the most important thing.
Lets say you are a writer. Okay? Like most writers you have a day job which takes up your time from nine to five. All of us have families we need to take care. You might have a parent that you are responsible for. Or you must me a crack pot (like me) to do a job, write novels and do medical research. Or you are a mother of four children!
Now imagine this scenario, you are squeezing out every minute of the day to work on your dreams for the last several years and yet you have not attained your dream or you are still struggling or you feel as if you are in a pit. Going in a social situation where people are going to put you down – or rub on your their achievements is not going to help you! It is going to bring you down. At first you might think ‘I will show them.’ But over time it will affect you and you might start to feel pity for yourself. However, you might have friends that really understand your situation and try to lift you up- but lets be honest most people are not like that.
I know people say you should go and share your dreams. You should get inspired by other people achievements. But if you know you are working as hard as they are or even more and still after doing all this you are not even moving an inch, does this advice actually help? It is all good in the beginning, but when you are in the middle of the battle its just you and your dream!
Yes- that is what happens on the 8th mile. You must have heard that story. If you are getting ready to run a marathon, you should get ready for the unseen challenges that lay ahead. The unexpected feelings, challenges and disappointments. Managing your self esteem on mile 8th is not easy. Yes, again people will say – just push through.
But what will make it easy? Preserving your self esteem and understanding that is very closely related to your confidence. Instead of hanging out with people who are definitely going to bring you down, just either hang out with people who have achieved the same thing and have a positive attitude about your goals. most of all, I would suggest is to focus. If you are feeling, that going in a situation you don’t want to (but are pressed into) is going to hurt your self esteem. Then its better not to go. Perhaps you want to go and talk about your struggles with other people in order to gain their support or pity. That is okay, but you should recognize if that is really helping you and if its actually helping you to become a achiever or a complainer?
So what should you do- perhaps calculate where you are and what you can do to improve your attempts. Make a plan or chalk out a new one. Identify what is really helping and what is not. Sit in silence, and work on your dreams. Now, I know it is not possible for everyone to do this for hours and hours – but if you value your dreams you can put aside 30 mins, can’t you?
You must have heard the ‘greats’ worked for hours in isolation. Why do you think that is? Simple. Your mind/brain can only do so much.
How does this help? One – you avoid distractions and comparisons which are your greatest enemies. For a month, Log OUT of all kinds of social media! For a month, just say no to things that are not helping you grow. You have a friend who despite having everything is still complaining- don’t take the call!
Imagine- you decide for a month to focus on only one aspect of your goal and nothing else. For instance, if you are a writer – lets say your focus on writing your book and do nothing else in relation to writing. That means do not attend book clubs, ask for feedback in the middle of the writing, do not join courses or see what other writers are doing. Of course you can do this after you have achieved what you wanted to do.
What will this do? First it will save your emotional energy for your dreams. Second – it will give your mind to focus on only half of the things that you ‘thought’ you had to focus on. Third – the creation process without the distractions will give you the boost you need.
Protect your self esteem by protecting your emotional well being.